yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
