It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
