Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
