i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
