Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
