Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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