Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
