After last night, I could never be a politician.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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