i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
