i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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