i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
