My balls are so social today.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
