I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
