dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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