Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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