It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
