There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
