Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
