So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
