Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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