tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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