my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
