Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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