i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
