i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
