I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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