dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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