i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
