There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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