What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
