No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
