Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if only i could text you this smell
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
