Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
