Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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