paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
