there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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