Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
