Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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