where am i from again
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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