This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
