If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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