I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
