im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
