He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
