She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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