Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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