I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
