Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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