Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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