there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
