if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
